“Is this the first time you’ve had an abortion Miss Griffin?”
“Well, no actually I had one about five years ago.”
“Oh right I see, I take it everything was explained to you. You talked it through with your partner, family or whomever?”
“Well my boyfriend at the time and me talked it over and we decided it was the right thing to do, but we’re not together anymore and well there’s no-one to convince this time, I’m pretty sure.” Kate looked at the doctor and then to the certificates on the wall. It hadn’t been her five years ago it had been some old man with a dodgy mustache.
“Okay...” the Doctor paused for a large intake of breath “Well I normally operate under a system of a first consultation then a second appointment, this allows the patient to mull it over incase any last minute change of mind may occur. So I’m thinking if I give you, say four days, then you can talk to whomever or think it over by yourself and come back to me with your final decision on Friday.”
“I’ve pretty much made up my mind Doctor Lois, there shall be no mulling.”
Doctor Lois stood up and walked around to the the other side of the desk and sat on it.
“Still, I’d like you to take the four days. If you decide to leave this office and go to a private clinic straight away that woud be entirely up to you, but you can come back on Friday and have the abortion here. It is just a safeguard. It’s quite surprising how many mothers change their mind and go on to tell me that their,” the docor raised her hands to make air quotes “‘Special little poopikins’ is the best thing that ever happened to her.”
Great, a guilt trip on the morality issues of abortion, thought these guys were supposed to be impartial and give you what you want? Dr Leaonard practically forced anti-depressants on me before he struck off for overprescribing Kara thought.
Practically shooing Kara out of her office the Doctor moved to the door and gestured for her to leave. Kara got up sluggishly and sighed as she exited the room. Doctor Lois closed the door with a revealing grin on her face.
Sitting in a barely lit room Kara had a bottle of vodka in her hand; she’d been sitting there since she got back from her appointment with the Doctor.
If she had only have just let me have it there and then there wouldn’t be time to go over the pro’s and cons, there would be no going back.
Kara had been doing exactly what she had intended not to do; mulling. She had practically ran back from the hospital and dived onto the sofa, put on Loose Women and tried to take her mind off wanting to kill a child she hadn’t planned. This might have worked if the panel on Loose Women weren’t debating abortion versus miscarriage.
“Fucks sake, you trying to tell me something or what?” She screamed looking up through the ceiling. “Bloody damn and blast you!”
Kara got up and made her way to the kitchen. A nice cup of very very strong coffee sharn’t go a miss, or maybe there’s something with a little more edge.
She knew she wanted a vodka or some kind of numbing drink, it was just ritual to pretend she’d have coffee.
As Kara was about to open the fridge she spotted a picture of her and James on the door. Five years and still she hadn’t moved it, five years without proper conversation. Sure she had seen him in Asda and around town, but there had been nothing more than a how are you? Good. Good. Okay then see ya round type of thing going on. Five years had passed and Kara hadn’t stopped loving James. There had been other guys, countless other guys, but they were just necessity, they were just walking sex basically and she was happy with that, at least she happily accepted that’s how her life was.
Grabbing the vodka from the fridge there was no pretence now, she was going to get mashed. She didn’t care that it was only three in the afternoon. Drinking does not have a time limit, although I’m sure Mother Dearest would have something to say about that.
Four hours later and a slightly sober Kara could just be made out in the barely lit room. She was debating whether she should call James. Not for anything more than a chittery chatter time, just a get together, five years was long enough so as to not confuse the boundaries or whatever, but what if he’s with someone, what if he’s married, got kids, living the happily perfect life I denied him five years ago? Kara’s mind was running into overtime, the alcohol not helping her judgement. If I just phone to ask him how he is then that will be fine, things won’t get complicated at all. Her mind made up Kara reached for her phone and searched for James’ number. Hopefully he’s still got the same phone.
“Hello?” the familiar voice came.
“Erm…hey, hey there, it’s Kara,” she paused and waited for his reply, but it seemed like forever. “I… I was just wondering how you were doing, if you are good, if you’re...”
“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Jeez, it’s been ages. How are you doing?”
“Oh well y’know, same old, same old.”
In the end Kara plucked up the courage to ask James if he wanted to meet up, she would later tell herself this was nothing to do with the vodka. James agreed stating they should meet at The Cat and Sparrow; everything was set for the day after tomorrow.
James was already at the bar ordering a pint, Kara walked over to him and smiled.
“Dutch courage? Is this going to be that hard?”
“Oh, hey, no, I mean, well when you’re in a bar; it would be rude not to get a drink wouldn’t it?”
“Yah I suppose, mine’s a double jagermiester and red bull, I’ll just be over there in the leapours section.” She snorted as she waddled off in insanely high heels.
James followed a few moments later, a nervous look on his face.
“So jagermiester, everything okay?”
“Let’s just enjoy the first drink, then maybe we can get to the good stuff.”
James looked at her nervously, Kara seemingly wanted to meet to get something of her chest.
“Look James, I know that we ended kind of badly because of a disagreement, I just wanted us to be able to get past that y’know. Five years is a long time to not talk or maybe just enough time to get over your issues?” Two or three more drinks in and the truth of the matter was coming to light.
“Kara, we had stupid little disagreements all the time, they were fine, like when I told the guys you had a giant salty twat or when I forgot to tell you how gorgeous you were. They were disagreements, because we misunderstood each other, but that issue we had, that was different.”
“I know, I know, I didn’t mean it like that. What I mean is it was a moment in time that perhaps we can leave there and move on from?”
“I don’t think we’ll ever agree on this somehow. I wanted our baby, you didn’t!”
James took a long swig of his pint and swallowed hard.
“James, I’m so sorry, really I am. It just wasn’t the right time, we were twenty, we couldn’t afford it, there were all sorts of reasons,” James was about to say something, but Kara kept on talking. “Look there’s something else, I’m sorry, but I’m kind of in the same situation again.”
“So the real reason you wanted me here was to tell me you’re about to have another abortion?” James’ eyes lit up.
“It’s complicated.”
“Oh yeah I know, you’re only twenty-five now, still too young, still too poor, still too… selfish!”
“I was raped James.” Kara was about to go on, but the tears in James’ eyes made her stop. There was silence for the longest time. Neither knew how to continue the conversation after such a revelation. James kept picking up his drink every other second and Kara stared blankly into hers, until finally James broke the stillness.
“Kara, you have to do what’s best for you. What I said before about you being selfish, it’s not selfishness, it’s your right.”
My life is like one ethical debate of a mess at the minute, how do you get yourself into these situations? Do you look for them or do they look for you? I tell you what though it’s fucking shit.
Kara and James had several more drinks and talked more about the whole issue, they knew it wasn’t going to be easy, they knew ultimately a decision had to be made, but for now they would just talk.
“Oh my God!” Kara screamed.
“What now?”
“Can you not carry this bag for me?”
“All you had to do was ask.”
“Pregnant woman here incase you didn’t notice.”
“How can I not notice, you remind me every two seconds. Give me the damn bag.”
“Urgh, James. Urgh, never mind.”
“We’re dong it again aren’t we?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.”
In a fit of giggles Kara and James walked down the street, just another couple in a city of countless others.
