Picture this: Kara and James were having the seventy-seventh argument of their six week relationship. It had all come about after Kara had decided to dress herself up like a christmas tree in her new red and gold dress and high heels, James had forgotten to take five minutes out of his day to tell her how fabulously delicious she looked. This was like cutting the wrong wire on a ticking bomb, an explosion ensued.
“ You can’t even tell your girlfriend she looks nice, you fucking moron!”
“I didn’t know it was in my contract to compliment you a specific number of times.”
Kara began to edge closer to James and stopped herself in the dead centre of the room.
“Very funny, arse barf! You shouldn’t need to be told. You obviously don’t think I’m attractive otherwise you would have said something,” Looking to the ground Kara began to twist her left foot round. “These are extremely nice shoes as well.”
“Just because I didn’t say it out loud doesn’t mean I wasn’t thinking it. You can be so petty sometimes.”
Big mistake, further angering the female of the species was not such a good idea. Kara stormed right up into James’ face and began shouting at him. James kept trying to move back from her twisting his face, but the more he did so the more she got up in his face.
“Shit Kara I know you like a bit of healthy banter back and forward, but do you not think this is pushing the boat out a little bit? I mean so I didn’t compliment you this once, I’m really sorry, I thought that much was obvious. I promise you I’ll pay more attention to you from now on.”
“Dan and Johnny are always complimenting me, they don’t seem to have your problem with the lack of words or whatever it is.” She moved back to her position next to the door, breathed in deeply and let out a large sigh.
“Dan is a fannyrat and would rather that dress was on the floor and Johnny is gay, he probably fancied the dress for himself.” Kara's face turned into a red colour, reminiscent of a postbox.
“You are such a stereotype whore!” Spitting her words at him now she looked like her head was about to shoot off from her neck and blast away into outer space. "Grow up!"
“Hey, that’s what labels were invented for, so we could tell people apart."
“Here’s a label for you then; bad boyfriend.”
“Do you not think this whole argument is immature?”
“I’ll tell you what’s immature, Mr Immature! Throwing jelly all over the corridor with your boyfriends that’s immature. Stripping and running around the flat for everyone and their uncle Bob to see that’s immature.”
“Oh right, now I get it, that’s what all this is about, you don’t care about the stupid dress and shoes issue you just want to pick out all my faults and tell me what a loser I am.”
“That’s probably a good label for you actually...and the dress is not stupid, it was £80 from LeFrerg’s, far, far from stupid."
A line is missing here. Hmmm. Can’t think what it can be. Something James did that made Kara continue talking.
“It would be nice if you told me what you think once in a while. I’m sick of living in a one sided relationship, I might as well be masturbating.”
“Nice analogy.”
“I’ll tell you what’s anal James; you. You aren’t exactly open for fun, you aren’t exactly open for anything. I want you to be open about how you feel, just be fucking straight with me!”
“Okay then...I love you Kara. I fucking love you.”Kara’s eyes began to fill up, she moved from her standing position to join James on her bed. Kissing him passionately he began to worm his hands around her body. Without venturing into porn territory it is safe to say they well and truly made up.
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DePlume, Stephen DePlume
DePlume, Stephen DePlume
